Goof Troup 9: The Grinchtacular: The Count Of Monte Grindr

 

On a page on the net, on a feed on your phone,

Here's a file that you'll meet with a smile or a groan.

Our cast dedicated to strange double features

Has been cursed to endure quite a strange Christmas creature.

You may know him by name, you may know him by voice,

Or his iconic hue, like a cartoon tortoise,

But you cannot forget him, to try is no use,

For the Grinch is the icon of one Doctor Seuss.

Each holiday season, you may turn the dial

And sit down to a version of his holiday trials,

Which depending on vintage may bring you good cheer,

Or force you to endure a most withering leer.

While the book that began this is simply delightful,

A well-crafted, heartwarming holiday trifle,

Its core narrative is surprisingly small,

Not enough for a feature, not nearly at all.

So they fill it with sirens, they fill it with horns,

Intimations that Grinches may indulge in porn.

They fill it with subplots, with sideplots and origins,

To results that are hollow as chocolate oranges.

We sat through it all, all the awful one-liners,

We saw glass-munching, hot pants, and ratty recliners.

But we weren't miserable as the third feature ended,

For we have the best film treat of all, being friendship.

Oh yeah and we talk about how Oogie Boogie is the Evil Santa of the South Pole.